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I keep having these bros come up to me and say, I used to watch you when I was a fetus, and I just want to kill them.

Nick Offerman

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Nick Offerman
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: June 26
Actor
Carpenter
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Joliet
Illinois
Nicholas Offerman
Nicholas David Offerman
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Bros
Fetus
Kill

More quotes by Nick Offerman

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I'm obsessed with the Victorian era and the British Royal Navy... I'd love to play a troubled sailor or captain or a boatman on a three masted ship.
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You know, it's hard to beat bacon at anytime of day. But I also am a big fan of corned beef hash.
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Men and women alike, if you think that altering the tip of your nose with surgery will make you happier, I would suggest you alter something much more malleable than your flesh, like your priorities, or your friends.
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Auditioning for television shows - to find a guy who has a lot of experience as a laborer is a bit of an anomaly. We do exist. I know several other actors who have made their living, instead of a waitress job, framing houses or blacktopping roads.
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I worked mostly in television drama for my first few years. I just kept guesting on NYPD Blues and CSI-like stuff, so when I started getting work in comedy, a lot of people in the business would say, 'Oh - I didn't know you did comedy.'
Nick Offerman
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I grew up among farmers in Illinois and so you always have to have the tools you might need in the eventuality of a flat tire or a broken window.
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I've learned through experience that to trouble celebrities with my handshake doesn't do anybody any good.
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I've had to learn and discipline myself that I'm much happier and much less depressed if I give myself a project. It's just that simple.
Nick Offerman
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We have such an embarrassment of riches when it comes to choice. Do you want to hike in the Alps? There are 300 pairs of shoes you can order within the next 10 minutes. You have your choice of everything.
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Just stand up for your principals and be loyal to your friends and family.
Nick Offerman
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Damn it all, you have been given a life on this beautiful planet! Get off your ass and do something!
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I just always had a penchant for performing for people.I'm a jackass clown.
Nick Offerman
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Once you have a PhD, every meeting you go to becomes a doctor's appointment.
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Figure out what you love to do, then figure out how to get paid to do it.
Nick Offerman
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One of the most poignant pieces of recent science fiction for me was the portrayal of the adults in the Pixar film WALL-E. I feel like we're on the cusp of becoming fat babies in floating chairs being fed everything in shake form, and I feel like I am as prone to laziness as anybody.
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How lucky my life is that I have two arms, and two legs, and ten fingers with which to make things out of wood.
Nick Offerman
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It's funny, growing up there was never anybody around me with any kind of artistic bent.
Nick Offerman
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I first read Wendell Berry's short-story collections, Fidelity and then Watch with Me. They just knocked my socks off. The characters and the fellowship of the small town reminded me of my own small town in Illinois.Then I discovered that, much like J.R.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis, that all of Berry's fiction was centered in this same town.
Nick Offerman
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Your dreams are always going to seem much more profound to you then they are to your friend.
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Jobs that require a suit upset me. They displease me much, as our world is rife with such superficial conformity.
Nick Offerman