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I keep having these bros come up to me and say, I used to watch you when I was a fetus, and I just want to kill them.

Nick Offerman

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Nick Offerman
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: June 26
Actor
Carpenter
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Joliet
Illinois
Nicholas Offerman
Nicholas David Offerman
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More quotes by Nick Offerman

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If your shirt isn't tucked into your pants, then your pants are tucked into your shirt.
Nick Offerman
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I learned as a young man that I don't write jokes, but that I can deliver more mundane material and get a laugh. I call myself a humorist.
Nick Offerman
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I always had a lot of confidence in my work and the unique flavor I like to bring to my characters, but you know I'm not a huge dreamer.
Nick Offerman
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Meat is a big deal in my life. I do love breakfast food, but I don't think that's extraordinary. I'm a normal American. We love eggs and meat and potatoes and gravy.
Nick Offerman
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I really thought that I'd be doing Shakespeare, honest to God. I did not foresee the whole action television thing. That was God's joke.
Nick Offerman
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Just stand up for your principals and be loyal to your friends and family.
Nick Offerman
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I have a corn creamer that I love. It extracts pulp and juice from kernels, and I simmer that down into a creamed corn that has an almost mashed potato-like consistency. I add butter and hit it with chopped fresh chives at the end for an accent of color.
Nick Offerman
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We have such an embarrassment of riches when it comes to choice. Do you want to hike in the Alps? There are 300 pairs of shoes you can order within the next 10 minutes. You have your choice of everything.
Nick Offerman
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I won't read a new graphic comic novel until the writer has completed the entire series. I got burned a few times when I got turned on to a book, plowed through it only to find out the author was in the middle of writing the next.
Nick Offerman
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The first thing I do, after I talk with the director and we agree that I'm going to do the role... My jumping off point is I get a picture of what my 'look' will be. My wardrobe style, my facial hair, glasses and all that kind of stuff.
Nick Offerman
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I'm quite excited to not play a Xena type character - it's probably closer to me than any character I've ever played.
Nick Offerman
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How lucky my life is that I have two arms, and two legs, and ten fingers with which to make things out of wood.
Nick Offerman
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Don't use barbiturates before going on stage. And be honest.
Nick Offerman
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When I got to Los Angeles, I started building cabins in peoples’ yards, building post-and-beam structures and cutting the joinery for those.
Nick Offerman
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Jobs that require a suit upset me. They displease me much, as our world is rife with such superficial conformity.
Nick Offerman
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When it comes to marijuana, I think it's ridiculous to live in a country that espouses freedom, liberty and equality, yet won't follow through on a philosophy that says: If it's not hurting anybody or their property, you can do any goddamn thing you want.
Nick Offerman
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A lot of people find themselves in the entertainment business - or perhaps society steers them toward it - because they're beautiful.
Nick Offerman
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I think the whole thing is kind of sad, honestly, in the same way that our civilization - particularly the consumers of pop culture - has grown so used to an emasculated, bare-chested leading man that something like simply growing a mustache can impress people.
Nick Offerman
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Not only do I recommend Wendell Berry to anyone who will talk to me for more than seven seconds, but I buy his books in quantity and send them to people. I bought a few dozen of his newest, Our Only World.
Nick Offerman
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Figure out what you love to do, then figure out how to get paid to do it.
Nick Offerman