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I keep having these bros come up to me and say, I used to watch you when I was a fetus, and I just want to kill them.

Nick Offerman

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Nick Offerman
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: June 26
Actor
Carpenter
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Joliet
Illinois
Nicholas Offerman
Nicholas David Offerman
Fetus
Kill
Watches
Watch
Keep
Used
Come
Bros

More quotes by Nick Offerman

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I was drinking a lot of bourbon. I was miserable. I was starting to get work, but it wasn't remotely satisfying. It was garbage compared to the theater I was doing.
Nick Offerman
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If you like comedy, go home and curl up with Leviticus. The writers of The Onion are handed Leviticus on their first day.
Nick Offerman
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Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Don't teach a man to fish and you feed yourself. He's a grown man, fishing's not that hard.
Nick Offerman
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I think that purity creates not only a higher level of artistic vision but a purer work ethic.
Nick Offerman
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When I first met with agents, they said, Okay, you're going to play plumbers and mechanics and bus drivers and farmers. Go.
Nick Offerman
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Of course smartphones are brilliant inventions, but the nefarious thing about Twitter and other social media is that it starts to fill all the gaps in your day. I quickly become an addict.
Nick Offerman
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I have a wonderfully hedonistic appetite, and if I wasn't really strict with myself, I'd weigh 300 pounds. I'm not good with moderation.
Nick Offerman
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I think the whole thing is kind of sad, honestly, in the same way that our civilization - particularly the consumers of pop culture - has grown so used to an emasculated, bare-chested leading man that something like simply growing a mustache can impress people.
Nick Offerman
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I have a Kenwood charcoal grill. In our house, if anybody is cooking, it's me. I love making burgers. I love making pork tenderloin. Lamb chops I do on the grill a lot. But you just can't beat brats.
Nick Offerman
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Always maintain the attitude of a student. If you think you've done learning, bitterness sets in, but if you have more to achieve every day, in any arena, that makes each morning's awakening full of potential and cheery portent.
Nick Offerman
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I have a very healthy growth of both head and facial hair. People always want to attribute further superhuman powers to me. It's funny the way the audience really seems to want me, Nick the actor, to exhibit the same machismo as Ron Swanson.
Nick Offerman
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Don't use barbiturates before going on stage. And be honest.
Nick Offerman
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I first read Wendell Berry's short-story collections, Fidelity and then Watch with Me. They just knocked my socks off. The characters and the fellowship of the small town reminded me of my own small town in Illinois.Then I discovered that, much like J.R.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis, that all of Berry's fiction was centered in this same town.
Nick Offerman
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I really thought that I'd be doing Shakespeare, honest to God. I did not foresee the whole action television thing. That was God's joke.
Nick Offerman
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I just always had a penchant for performing for people.I'm a jackass clown.
Nick Offerman
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I learned the word non-conformist in fourth grade and immediately announced that I would grow up to become one.
Nick Offerman
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Figure out what you love to do, then figure out how to get paid to do it.
Nick Offerman
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I would like Americans to make things with their hands. Thomas Jefferson and I feel that makes for a much stronger nation.
Nick Offerman
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My wife happens to be probably the greatest working woman in comedy. I can't think of anyone who even approaches her achievements and her abilities.
Nick Offerman
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I also grew up building theatrical scenery. I spent many years building scenery as a large part of my income and that allowed me to really develop my shop skills.
Nick Offerman