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Damn it all, you have been given a life on this beautiful planet! Get off your ass and do something!
Nick Offerman
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Nick Offerman
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: June 26
Actor
Carpenter
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Joliet
Illinois
Nicholas Offerman
Nicholas David Offerman
Given
Beautiful
Something
Life
Ass
Damn
Planet
Planets
More quotes by Nick Offerman
I'm quite excited to not play a Xena type character - it's probably closer to me than any character I've ever played.
Nick Offerman
I learned in my early years in the theater that I would never become the guy on top. I'll never create a show I don't have a brain expansive enough to see the whole picture, in a way that would behoove anyone.
Nick Offerman
I always drastically changed my look for each role. It's gotten a little tedious in real life, also, because there's no hiding.
Nick Offerman
I am a saxophone player.
Nick Offerman
Shut your damn mouth.
Nick Offerman
If properly dried and trimmed, New York-style pizza could be used to make a box for Chicago-style pizza. I love a slice when I'm in NYC, but it's like eating a Slim Jim compared with a filet mignon. One slice of Gino's East stuffed sausage pizza is a bigger meal than an entire New York pie.
Nick Offerman
The ultimate disguise is nothing. Nudity.
Nick Offerman
I've split my life between a few different disciplines.
Nick Offerman
If I had more time, I'd watch more woodworking or home-improvement shows, but, not enough hours in the day.
Nick Offerman
How lucky my life is that I have two arms, and two legs, and ten fingers with which to make things out of wood.
Nick Offerman
It's funny, growing up there was never anybody around me with any kind of artistic bent.
Nick Offerman
I also grew up building theatrical scenery. I spent many years building scenery as a large part of my income and that allowed me to really develop my shop skills.
Nick Offerman
Jobs that require a suit upset me. They displease me much, as our world is rife with such superficial conformity.
Nick Offerman
You know, it's hard to beat bacon at anytime of day. But I also am a big fan of corned beef hash.
Nick Offerman
I learned as a young man that I don't write jokes, but that I can deliver more mundane material and get a laugh. I call myself a humorist.
Nick Offerman
Men and women alike, if you think that altering the tip of your nose with surgery will make you happier, I would suggest you alter something much more malleable than your flesh, like your priorities, or your friends.
Nick Offerman
I learned the word non-conformist in fourth grade and immediately announced that I would grow up to become one.
Nick Offerman
I was drinking a lot of bourbon. I was miserable. I was starting to get work, but it wasn't remotely satisfying. It was garbage compared to the theater I was doing.
Nick Offerman
Once you have a PhD, every meeting you go to becomes a doctor's appointment.
Nick Offerman
My uncles, who are farmers in Minooka, Illinois - I grew up with them and their pickup trucks and mustaches, and to me that was masculinity: big hairy sweaty guys who could pick up a bus.
Nick Offerman
