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Don't use barbiturates before going on stage. And be honest.
Nick Offerman
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Nick Offerman
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: June 26
Actor
Carpenter
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Joliet
Illinois
Nicholas Offerman
Nicholas David Offerman
Use
Going
Honest
Stage
More quotes by Nick Offerman
I always call performing live giving the people the medicine, because when you're engaged in it, you can feel the sort of soul magic being exchanged between the performer and the audience.
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I really thought that I'd be doing Shakespeare, honest to God. I did not foresee the whole action television thing. That was God's joke.
Nick Offerman
I've learned through experience that to trouble celebrities with my handshake doesn't do anybody any good.
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If I had more time, I'd watch more woodworking or home-improvement shows, but, not enough hours in the day.
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You know, it's hard to beat bacon at anytime of day. But I also am a big fan of corned beef hash.
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When I was in fourth grade, we were learning vocabulary words, and the word nonconformist came up. The teacher said, It's somebody who whatever everybody is doing, they do the opposite. I remember raising my hand and saying, Mrs. Christiansen, I would like to be a nonconformist.
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I learned the word non-conformist in fourth grade and immediately announced that I would grow up to become one.
Nick Offerman
I grew up among farmers in Illinois and so you always have to have the tools you might need in the eventuality of a flat tire or a broken window.
Nick Offerman
I keep having these bros come up to me and say, I used to watch you when I was a fetus, and I just want to kill them.
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I think it's fascinating that I receive attention for what people perceive to be a level of manliness or machismo, when amongst my family of farmers and paramedics and regular Americans, I'm kind of the sissy in my family.
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Men and women alike, if you think that altering the tip of your nose with surgery will make you happier, I would suggest you alter something much more malleable than your flesh, like your priorities, or your friends.
Nick Offerman
It's funny, growing up there was never anybody around me with any kind of artistic bent.
Nick Offerman
If properly dried and trimmed, New York-style pizza could be used to make a box for Chicago-style pizza. I love a slice when I'm in NYC, but it's like eating a Slim Jim compared with a filet mignon. One slice of Gino's East stuffed sausage pizza is a bigger meal than an entire New York pie.
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I have a Kenwood charcoal grill. In our house, if anybody is cooking, it's me. I love making burgers. I love making pork tenderloin. Lamb chops I do on the grill a lot. But you just can't beat brats.
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People keep referring to me as a standup, and that just doesn't sit well with me because a lot of my friends are standups and they're brilliant at writing jokes, and I'm not.
Nick Offerman
Marijuana is quite possibly the finest of intoxicants. It has been scientifically proven, for decades, to be much less harmful to the body than alcohol when used on a regular basis.
Nick Offerman
When we think of an actor, we think of a tanned, frosted-tipped, model-looking guy. We don't think of a plumber.
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Love one another, make something with your hands, and exalt the farmer.
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Whatever it is you like to do, that's the sexiest part of you.
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When I arrive in Los Angeles in the entertainment community, and I use implements like a shovel and a hammer, our society has distanced itself so far from working with its hands that those incredibly pedestrian skills are perceived as somehow being extraordinary.
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