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its hard to talk when you want to kill yourself

Ned Vizzini

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Ned Vizzini
Age: 32 †
Born: 1981
Born: April 4
Died: 2013
Died: December 19
Novelist
Writer
New York City
New York
Conjunctions
Kill
Talk
Hard

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My brain was all right back then it didn't get stuck in ruts.
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But some people have to get lucky just to live. And I never knew I could make anybody lucky.
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Some of the most profound truths about us are things that we stop saying in the middle.
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Putting lessons in young adult books is very dangerous.
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That's the number one thing I hear about humans. You have all these choices, so you're confused all the time, and you think so much that you're never happy.
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I feel dead, wasted, awful, broken and useless. It's not the kind of feeling you forget.
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They're sort of ancillary anyway, friends. I mean, they're important -- everybody knows that the TV tells you so -- but they come and go. You lose one friend, you pick up another.
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Depression starts slow.
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I've started to think it must just be chemistry, in which case we're looking for the Shift and we haven't found it yet.
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Time is a person-made concept.
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See, when you mess something up, you learn for the next time. It's when people compliment you that you're in trouble. That means they expect you to keep it up.
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I didn't want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that's really sad.
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I can't eat and I can't sleep. I'm not doing well in terms of being a functional human, you know?
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And that was the closest I've ever come to an epiphany.
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I owe her everything and I love her and I tell her these days, although every time I say it, it gets a little diluted. I think you run out of I love yous.
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The Shift is coming. The Shift has to be coming. Because if you keep living like this you'll die.
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(...) Since I was a kid. Which you refer to as 'back when you were happy.' Right.
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Sometimes I wish I had an easy answer for why I'm depressed.
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It’s a huge thing, this Shift, just as big as I imagined. My brain doesn’t want to think anymore all of a sudden it wants to do.
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I waste at least an hour every day lying in bed. Then I waste time pacing. I waste time thinking. I waste time being quiet and not saying anything because I'm afraid I'll stutter.
Ned Vizzini