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its hard to talk when you want to kill yourself

Ned Vizzini

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Ned Vizzini
Age: 32 †
Born: 1981
Born: April 4
Died: 2013
Died: December 19
Novelist
Writer
New York City
New York
Conjunctions
Kill
Talk
Hard

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So now live for real, Craig. Live. Live. Live. Live.
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I found myself jealous of the people who wrote the books. They were dead and they were still taking up my time. Who did they think they were?
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Dreams are only dreams until you wake up and make them real.
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But some people have to get lucky just to live. And I never knew I could make anybody lucky.
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I wasn’t gifted. Mom was wrong. I was just smart and I worked hard. I had fooled myself into thinking that was something important to the rest of the world. Other people were complicit in this ruse. Nobody had told me I was common.
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How would you know? Everything’s like sex. It’s the universal metaphor. To pick a lock, let me guess, you have to go slow at first, but then you have to pull off some fancy moves, and you have to stay concentrated, and you have to stick something in something, right?
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See, when you mess something up, you learn for the next time. It's when people compliment you that you're in trouble. That means they expect you to keep it up.
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It’s a huge thing, this Shift, just as big as I imagined. My brain doesn’t want to think anymore all of a sudden it wants to do.
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Sometimes I wish I had an easy answer for why I'm depressed.
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If you can't get out of bed for long enough, people come and take your bed away
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That's all I can do. I'll keep at it and hope it gets better.
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Misfortune is no excuse for cruelty.
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I'm going to be here until I'm cured? Life is not cured, Mr. Gilner. Life is managed.
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I'm jealous of her. Can you be jealous of your mom for being able to handle things? I couldn't take a day off, take a dog to the vet, and cook dinner. That's like three times too much stuff for me to get done in one day. How am I ever going to have my own house?
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A lot of the books that I grew up reading were pretty brutal, like the Redwall books.
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I didn't want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that's really sad.
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It's such a silly little thing, the heart.
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I'm still a nobody, when am I not going to be a nobody?
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You shouldn't be able to be alive and you are. You want to trade?
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Things to do today: 1) Breathe in. 2) Breathe out.
Ned Vizzini