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I waste at least an hour every day lying in bed. Then I waste time pacing. I waste time thinking. I waste time being quiet and not saying anything because I'm afraid I'll stutter.

Ned Vizzini

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Ned Vizzini
Age: 32 †
Born: 1981
Born: April 4
Died: 2013
Died: December 19
Novelist
Writer
New York City
New York
Least
Depression
Hours
Suicide
Lying
Bed
Anything
Hour
Every
Waste
Quiet
Time
Afraid
Stutter
Thinking
Saying
Pacing

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I've had good moments scattered since then, times when I thought I was better, but that was the last day I felt triumphant.
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I didn't want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that's really sad.
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It's such a silly little thing, the heart.
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I know a lot of famous people didn't do well at school, like James Brown he dropped out in fifth grade to be an entertainer, I respect that... but that's not going to be me. I'm not going to be able to do anything but work as hard as possible all the time and compete with everyone I know all the time to make it.
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I had fooled myself into thinking that I was something important to the rest of the world.
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Do you even know who the enemy is? I think... it's me.
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That's the number one thing I hear about humans. You have all these choices, so you're confused all the time, and you think so much that you're never happy.
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A working brain is probably a lot like a map, where anybody can get from one place to another on the freeways. It's the nonworking brains that get blocked, that have dead ends, that are under construction like mine.
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Misfortune is no excuse for cruelty.
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How would you know? Everything’s like sex. It’s the universal metaphor. To pick a lock, let me guess, you have to go slow at first, but then you have to pull off some fancy moves, and you have to stay concentrated, and you have to stick something in something, right?
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Sometimes I wish I had an easy answer for why I'm depressed.
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And that was the closest I've ever come to an epiphany.
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I'm still a nobody, when am I not going to be a nobody?
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I was never big on rage.' 'Why?' It's so much more angry in my head than it could ever be outside.
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I feel dead, wasted, awful, broken and useless. It's not the kind of feeling you forget.
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That's all I can do. I'll keep at it and hope it gets better.
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I'm jealous of her. Can you be jealous of your mom for being able to handle things? I couldn't take a day off, take a dog to the vet, and cook dinner. That's like three times too much stuff for me to get done in one day. How am I ever going to have my own house?
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The Shift hasn't happened yet, maybe it never will, but sometimes-just enough times to give me hope-my brain jars back into where it's supposed to be.
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Time is a person-made concept.
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Things to do today: 1) Breathe in. 2) Breathe out.
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