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If you were the only person left on the planet, I would have to attack you. That's my job.

Mort Sahl

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Mort Sahl
Age: 97
Born: 1927
Born: May 11
Actor
Comedian
Journalist
Montreal
Quebec
Morton Lyon Sahl
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More quotes by Mort Sahl

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You haven't lived until you've died in California
Mort Sahl
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A Yuppie is someone who believes it's courageous to eat in a restaurant that hasn't been reviewed yet.
Mort Sahl
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Reagan won because he ran against Jimmy Carter. If he ran unopposed he would have lost.
Mort Sahl
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Most people past college age are not atheists. It's too hard to be in society, for one thing. Because you don't get any days off. And if you're an agnostic you don't know whether you get them off or not.
Mort Sahl
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In the forties, to get a girl you had to be a GI or a jock. In the fifties, to get a girl you had to be Jewish. In the sixties, to get a girl you had to be black. In the seventies, to get a girl you've got to be a girl.
Mort Sahl
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I went to computer class with my Dell and I was bullied by a guy with a Mac.
Mort Sahl
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I watched Ken Burns' Civil War series on PBS. My favorite segment is when Bob Hope entertains the troops at Gettysburg.
Mort Sahl
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I used to go out with actresses and other female impersonators.
Mort Sahl
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Liberals feel unworthy of their possessions. Conservatives feel they deserve everything they've stolen.
Mort Sahl
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Remember that no matter how selfish, how cruel, how unfeeling you have been today, every time you take a breath, you make a flower happy.
Mort Sahl
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Everything I tell you is true, but this is factual.
Mort Sahl
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A conservative is someone who believes in reform. But not now.
Mort Sahl
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If someone were to ask me for a short cut to sensuality, I would suggest he go shopping for a used 427 Shelby-Cobra. But it is only fair to warn you that of the 300 guys who switched to them in 1966, only two went back to women.
Mort Sahl
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We all know that America is the worst country in the world, except for all the others.
Mort Sahl
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If anybody comes up to you and says, My kid is a conservative - why is that? you say, Remember in the 60′s when we told you if you kept using drugs your kids would be mutants?
Mort Sahl
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That feeling of hopelessness only serves your masters.
Mort Sahl
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I don't believe in good people and bad people. I believe in the better parts of people.
Mort Sahl
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Obama said he went to Libya because of his conscience. Did anyone ever wrestle with his conscience and lose?
Mort Sahl
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Obama says his recreation consists of reading the Constitution... looking for a loophole.
Mort Sahl
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There were four million people in the American Colonies and we had Jefferson and Franklin. Now we have over 200 million and the two top guys are Clinton and Dole. What can you draw from this? Darwin was wrong.
Mort Sahl