Quote

I know people who believe in ghosts but don’t believe in themselves. It’s kind of sad. Okay you don’t think you’ll ever make it as a musician, but last night you saw a translucent caveman.

Mitch Hedberg

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Mitch Hedberg
Age: 37 †
Born: 1968
Born: February 24
Died: 2005
Died: March 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
St Paul
Minnesota
Mitchell Lee Hedberg
Mitch Lee Hedberg
Mitchell Hedberg
Kind
Ghost
Believe
Musician
Make
Okay
Think
Saws
Thinking
Lasts
People
Last
Translucent
Night
Caveman
Ever
Ghosts

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Dogs are forever in the push up postion.
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Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.
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I like to wear a Do Not Disturb sign around my neck so that little kids can't tell me knock-knock jokes. Hey, how ya doin'? Knock-knock. Read the sign, punk!
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I got some tartar-control toothpaste a while back. I've still got tartar, but it's under control.
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I got binoculars 'cause I don't want to go that close.
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I saw a human pyramid once. It was very unnecessary. It did not need to exist.
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I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
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A friend gave me a drug for attention deficit disorder, because he's afflicted, but I'm not. So what happened to me is I suddenly had an extra-long attention span. People would tell me a story, and it would end, and I'd get all mad. Come on, man, there has to be more to that story.
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I like cinnamon rolls, but I don't always have time to make a pan. That's why I wish they would sell cinnamon roll incense. After all I'd rather light a stick and have my roommate wake up with false hopes.
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I got my hair highlighted because I felt some strands were more important than others.
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Kittens play with yarn, they bat it around. What they're really doing is saying, I can't knit, get this away from me!
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Snake eyes is a gambling term, and an animal term, too.
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I rented a car. I didn't really need one, I just wanted to make one less available. I wanted one businessman on the bus with no car.
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I went to a cigar store, the man behind the counter asked me, What kind of cigars do you like? I answered, It's a Boys.
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An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs.
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Sometimes I fall asleep at night with my clothes on. I'm going to have all my clothes made out of blankets.
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I want to be a race car passenger: just a guy who bugs the driver. Say man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why do we gotta keep going in circles? Can I put my feet out the window? Man, you really like Tide.
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