Quote

How does a sesame seed stick to a bun? That's magical. There must be some sesame seed glue out there. Either that or they're adhesive on one side. Peel off the backing, place it on the bun.

Mitch Hedberg

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Mitch Hedberg
Age: 37 †
Born: 1968
Born: February 24
Died: 2005
Died: March 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
St Paul
Minnesota
Mitchell Lee Hedberg
Mitch Lee Hedberg
Mitchell Hedberg
Either
Glue
Sides
Magical
Funny
Seed
Place
Stick
Adhesive
Doe
Seeds
Sesame
Must
Sticks
Buns
Humor
Peel
Side
Backing

More quotes by Mitch Hedberg

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A dog came to my door, so I gave him a bone, the dog took the bone into the back yard and buried it. I'm going to go plant a tree there, with bones on it, then the dog will come back and say, Shoot! It worked! I must distribute these bones equally for I have a green paw!
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I'd hate to be a giraffe with a sore throat.
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Because of acid, I now know that butter is way better than margarine.
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I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry, and that's extra scary to me. There's a large, out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside. Run, he's fuzzy, get out of here.
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Foosball screwed up my perception of soccer. I though you had to kick the ball and then spin around and around. I can't do a back flip, much less several simultaneously with two other guys.
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I spilled some vodka on the carpet, and I vacuumed it up, and the vacuum got drunk. I had to take the Hoover to detox.
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If I'm out to dinner with a group of friends, and somebody offers to pay for the check, I immediately reach for my wallet. Inside is a note that says, Say thanks!
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I rented a car. I didn't really need one, I just wanted to make one less available. I wanted one businessman on the bus with no car.
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We don't have to fix anything.
Mitch Hedberg
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I met the girl who works at the Doubletree front desk, she gave me her number. It's ZERO. I tried to call from here, some other woman answered. You sound older!
Mitch Hedberg
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Last time I called shotgun we had rented a limo, so I messed up!
Mitch Hedberg
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I was in a convenience store, reading a magazine. The clerk told me, this is not a library! OK! I will talk louder, then!
Mitch Hedberg
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I ate one anchovy, and that is why I did not eat two anchovies.
Mitch Hedberg
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I think we should only get 3 honks a month on the car horn. Then, someone cuts you off, you press the horn, and nothing happens. You're like, Crap! I wish I hadn't seen Ricky on the sidewalk!
Mitch Hedberg
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I want to get a job naming kitchen appliances. That seems easy refrigerator, toaster, blender. You just say what the thing does and add er.
Mitch Hedberg
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I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.
Mitch Hedberg
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I tried to walk into Target, but I missed. I think the entrance to Target should have people splattered all around.
Mitch Hedberg
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I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.
Mitch Hedberg
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I want to make a vending machine that sells vending machines. It'd have to be real big.
Mitch Hedberg
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I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at the store, oftentimes I will drop it so that is achieves its maximum flavor potential.
Mitch Hedberg