Quote

I don't want to have my face on the cover of a Wheaties box. I wanna have my face on the cover of a Rice Krispies box. Snap, Krackle, Mitch and Pop!

Mitch Hedberg

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Mitch Hedberg
Age: 37 †
Born: 1968
Born: February 24
Died: 2005
Died: March 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
St Paul
Minnesota
Mitchell Lee Hedberg
Mitch Lee Hedberg
Mitchell Hedberg
Face
Snap
Faces
Snaps
Funny
Rice
Wanna
Cover
Pops
Boxes
Humor
Mitch

More quotes by Mitch Hedberg

Image
I got some tartar-control toothpaste a while back. I've still got tartar, but it's under control.
Mitch Hedberg
Image
I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Some one needs to tell the turkey, 'man, just be yourself.'
Mitch Hedberg
Image
I was going to stay overnight at my friend's house - he said, you'll have to sleep on the floor. Damn gravity! You don't know how bad I wanted to sleep on the wall.
Mitch Hedberg
Image
I got in an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That's a bad place for an argument, because I tried to walk out, and had to slam the flap.
Mitch Hedberg
Image
People think I'm into sports because I'm a man. But I'm not into sports. I like Gatorade, but that's about as far as it goes. By the way, you don't have to be sweaty and play basketball to enjoy Gatorade. You can just be a thirsty dude. Gatorade forgets about this demographic!
Mitch Hedberg
Image
If you're a fish and you want to be a fish-stick, you have to have very good posture.
Mitch Hedberg
Image
I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down.
Mitch Hedberg
Image
I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.
Mitch Hedberg
Image
A snake bite emergency kit is a body bag.
Mitch Hedberg
Image
If a drink was ice cold, it would be impossible to drink. Because it would be solid. Here's a drink, Mitch - it's ice cold. I guess I could lick it.
Mitch Hedberg
Image
When you put Listerine in your mouth, it hurts. Germs do not go quietly.
Mitch Hedberg
Image
I got an ant farm them fellas didn't grow sh*t.
Mitch Hedberg
Image
I wanted to get a tape recorder, but I got a parrot instead. I think I did that joke backwards.
Mitch Hedberg
Image
I got binoculars 'cause I don't want to go that close.
Mitch Hedberg
Image
If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work.
Mitch Hedberg
Image
I wrote a script, and I gave it to a guy who reads scripts, and he read it, and he liked it, but he said he thinks I ought to re-write it. I said, Fuck that - I'll just make a copy!
Mitch Hedberg
Image
Sometimes I fall asleep at night with my clothes on. I'm going to have all my clothes made out of blankets.
Mitch Hedberg
Image
I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, Dude, you have to wait.
Mitch Hedberg
Image
You got to always take advantage of getting your room cleaned. You may think it's nice not to have anybody in your room, like your privacy's not being invaded. But there's nothing like walking back into a clean room. You've got to remember that.
Mitch Hedberg
Image
Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show.
Mitch Hedberg