Quote

Sometimes I get really lonely. Especially when I'm throwing a Frisbee.

Mitch Hedberg

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Mitch Hedberg
Age: 37 †
Born: 1968
Born: February 24
Died: 2005
Died: March 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
St Paul
Minnesota
Mitchell Lee Hedberg
Mitch Lee Hedberg
Mitchell Hedberg
Throwing
Lonely
Especially
Humor
Funny
Sometimes
Really
Frisbee

More quotes by Mitch Hedberg

Image
When I get a cold sore, I put Carmex on it, because Carmex is supposed to alleviate cold sores. I don't know if it does help, but it will make them more shiny and noticeable. It's like cold-sore-highlighter. Maybe they could come up with an arrow that heals cold sores.
Mitch Hedberg
Image
I got binoculars 'cause I don't want to go that close.
Mitch Hedberg
Image
I think Pringles initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles is a laid back company. They said, Screw it. Cut 'em up!
Mitch Hedberg
Image
I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all.
Mitch Hedberg
Image
Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
Mitch Hedberg
Image
I went to a cigar store, the man behind the counter asked me, What kind of cigars do you like? I answered, It's a Boys.
Mitch Hedberg
Image
A burrito is a sleeping bag for ground beef.
Mitch Hedberg
Image
I can't eat spaghetti. There's too many of them.
Mitch Hedberg
Image
I like cinnamon rolls, but I don't always have time to make a pan. That's why I wish they would sell cinnamon roll incense. After all I'd rather light a stick and have my roommate wake up with false hopes.
Mitch Hedberg
Image
I tried to throw a yo-yo away. It was impossible.
Mitch Hedberg
Image
Magicians disappear all the time, but as soon as a regular person does it, everyone is all scared. Tom's gone! Is he a magician? No. Then let's print up some flyers!
Mitch Hedberg
Image
I hate arrows. They try to tell me which direction to go. It's like I ain't going that way, line with two thirds of a triangle on the end!
Mitch Hedberg
Image
If I was a mechanic and someone called me and said their car would not start, I would say, Hey - maybe a killer is after you!
Mitch Hedberg
Image
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
Mitch Hedberg
Image
I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at the store, oftentimes I will drop it so that is achieves its maximum flavor potential.
Mitch Hedberg
Image
Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic. Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupus... one of those two doesn't sound right.
Mitch Hedberg
Image
When you put Listerine in your mouth, it hurts. Germs do not go quietly.
Mitch Hedberg
Image
I tried to have a cookie, and this girl said, I'm mailing those cookies to my friend. So I couldn't have one. You shouldn't make cookies untouchable.
Mitch Hedberg
Image
Have you ever tried sugar or PCP?
Mitch Hedberg
Image
A friend gave me a drug for attention deficit disorder, because he's afflicted, but I'm not. So what happened to me is I suddenly had an extra-long attention span. People would tell me a story, and it would end, and I'd get all mad. Come on, man, there has to be more to that story.
Mitch Hedberg