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Snake eyes is a gambling term, and an animal term, too.
Mitch Hedberg
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Mitch Hedberg
Age: 37 †
Born: 1968
Born: February 24
Died: 2005
Died: March 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
St Paul
Minnesota
Mitchell Lee Hedberg
Mitch Lee Hedberg
Mitchell Hedberg
Gambling
Humor
Animal
Eyes
Term
Eye
Funny
Snake
Snakes
More quotes by Mitch Hedberg
A friend gave me a drug for attention deficit disorder, because he's afflicted, but I'm not. So what happened to me is I suddenly had an extra-long attention span. People would tell me a story, and it would end, and I'd get all mad. Come on, man, there has to be more to that story.
Mitch Hedberg
I'd hate to be a giraffe with a sore throat.
Mitch Hedberg
I love my fed-ex guy cause he's a drug dealer and he don't even know it...and he's always on time.
Mitch Hedberg
I`ve not really been angling to be a comedian. I knew comics and I loved them and I loved being funny, but I didn't understand the whole concept of becoming one. My first couple of times on stage, I was like, This is what I'm doing for sure. I was so excited.
Mitch Hedberg
It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky.
Mitch Hedberg
If I was a locksmith, I'd be pimping that out man. I'll trade you a free key duplication for. That joke made me laugh before I could finish it, which is good, because it had no ending.
Mitch Hedberg
My girlfriend works at Hooters. In the kitchen.
Mitch Hedberg
I like baked potatoes. I don't have a microwave oven, and it takes forever to bake a potato in a conventional oven. Sometimes I'll just throw one in there, even if I don't want one, because by the time it's done, who knows?
Mitch Hedberg
I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.
Mitch Hedberg
I have found when I look at an audience that the expressions on the peoples' faces aren't always up to par with the sounds that they're making. A crowd can sound like they're having a good time when your eyes are closed but if you open your eyes, the looks on some of those faces don't equal the sound.
Mitch Hedberg
I went to the store and bought eight apples the clerk said, Do you want these in a bag? I said, Oh, no, man, I juggle.
Mitch Hedberg
A burrito is a sleeping bag for ground beef.
Mitch Hedberg
I went to the park and saw this kid flying a kite. The kid was really excited. I don't know why, that's what they're supposed to do. Now if he had had a chair on the other end of that string, I would have been impressed.
Mitch Hedberg
My friend said to me, You know what I like? Mashed potatoes. I was like, Dude, you have to give me time to guess. If you're going to quiz me you have to insert a pause.
Mitch Hedberg
I had a paper route when I was a kid. I was supposed to go to 2,000 houses. Or two dumpsters.
Mitch Hedberg
Imagine if the headless horseman had a headless horse. That would be chaos. I would think that if you were the headless horseman's horse, you would be very confused. I don't think this dude can see.
Mitch Hedberg
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
Mitch Hedberg
I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.
Mitch Hedberg
I tried to walk into Target, but I missed. I think the entrance to Target should have people splattered all around.
Mitch Hedberg
I want to get a job naming kitchen appliances. That seems easy refrigerator, toaster, blender. You just say what the thing does and add er.
Mitch Hedberg
