Quote

I think we should only get 3 honks a month on the car horn. Then, someone cuts you off, you press the horn, and nothing happens. You're like, Crap! I wish I hadn't seen Ricky on the sidewalk!

Mitch Hedberg

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Mitch Hedberg
Age: 37 †
Born: 1968
Born: February 24
Died: 2005
Died: March 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
St Paul
Minnesota
Mitchell Lee Hedberg
Mitch Lee Hedberg
Mitchell Hedberg
Happens
Press
Horn
Someone
Car
Sidewalk
Nothing
Cutting
Horns
Think
Months
Cuts
Thinking
Humor
Crap
Like
Seen
Month
Funny
Hadn
Wish
Presses
Ricky

More quotes by Mitch Hedberg

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I went to the Home Depot, which was unnecessary. I need to go to the Apartment Depot. Which is just a big warehouse with a whole lot of people standing around saying We don't have to fix anything.
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I like it when you buy something and pay with a credit card, they put your credit card on the receipt, but only the last four numbers. Aha! I'm really good at guessing twelve numbers. I can't guess 16 numbers, so thanks for the assistance!
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I want to make a vending machine that sells vending machines. It'd have to be real big.
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I was walking down the street with my friend and he said 'I hear music,' as though there's any other way to take it in. 'You're not special. That's how I receive it too... I tried to taste it, but it did not work'.
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Mr. Pibb is a poor imitation of Dr. Pepper. Dude didn't even get his degree.
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I hate flossing, I wish I just had one long curvy tooth. They didn't have to make separations for me.
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I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.
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Foosball screwed up my perception of soccer. I though you had to kick the ball and then spin around and around. I can't do a back flip, much less several simultaneously with two other guys.
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A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
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My friend said to me, You know what I like? Mashed potatoes. I was like, Dude, you have to give me time to guess. If you're going to quiz me you have to insert a pause.
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I heard a guy tell me he liked cherries. I waited to hear if he was going to say tomatoes, then I realized he like cherries just. That joke is ridiculous.
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Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.
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I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.
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You should never tell someone they have a nice dimple, because maybe they were shot in the face with a BB gun.
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Because of acid, I now know that butter is way better than margarine.
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