Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
When you open the elevator on the top floor of a building and the other guy doesn't get out, something is seriously wrong.
Mitch Hedberg
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Mitch Hedberg
Age: 37 †
Born: 1968
Born: February 24
Died: 2005
Died: March 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
St Paul
Minnesota
Mitchell Lee Hedberg
Mitch Lee Hedberg
Mitchell Hedberg
Doesn
Floor
Something
Seriously
Humor
Building
Open
Guy
Wrong
Elevator
Funny
Elevators
More quotes by Mitch Hedberg
I'm a hard act to follow, because when I'm done, I take the microphone with me.
Mitch Hedberg
I hate arrows. They try to tell me which direction to go. It's like I ain't going that way, line with two thirds of a triangle on the end!
Mitch Hedberg
I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.
Mitch Hedberg
My girlfriend works at Hooters. In the kitchen.
Mitch Hedberg
A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.
Mitch Hedberg
I want to be a race car passenger: just a guy who bugs the driver. Say man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why do we gotta keep going in circles? Can I put my feet out the window? Man, you really like Tide.
Mitch Hedberg
I was going to get my teeth whitened, but I said, I'll just get a tan instead.
Mitch Hedberg
Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.
Mitch Hedberg
I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Some one needs to tell the turkey, 'man, just be yourself.'
Mitch Hedberg
I got binoculars 'cause I don't want to go that close.
Mitch Hedberg
I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.
Mitch Hedberg
If I was a locksmith, I'd be pimping that out man. I'll trade you a free key duplication for. That joke made me laugh before I could finish it, which is good, because it had no ending.
Mitch Hedberg
Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!
Mitch Hedberg
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
Mitch Hedberg
I'd hate to be a giraffe with a sore throat.
Mitch Hedberg
If you are flammable and have legs, you are not blocking a fire exit.
Mitch Hedberg
When you put Listerine in your mouth, it hurts. Germs do not go quietly.
Mitch Hedberg
I had to take a physical to do this show. They had a lot of weird questions like, Have you ever tried sugar or PCP?
Mitch Hedberg
I don't want to have my face on the cover of a Wheaties box. I wanna have my face on the cover of a Rice Krispies box. Snap, Krackle, Mitch and Pop!
Mitch Hedberg
An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs.
Mitch Hedberg
