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I travel with a boom box. When I get on a plane, I stuff the power cord for the boom box into the battery compartment. From an outsider's point of view, it looks like I've got it all wrong.
Mitch Hedberg
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Mitch Hedberg
Age: 37 †
Born: 1968
Born: February 24
Died: 2005
Died: March 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
St Paul
Minnesota
Mitchell Lee Hedberg
Mitch Lee Hedberg
Mitchell Hedberg
Power
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Cords
Looks
View
Batteries
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Humor
Boom
Views
Outsider
Wrong
Outsiders
Point
Plane
Compartment
Funny
Planes
Battery
Stuff
Boxes
Cord
More quotes by Mitch Hedberg
I like Kit-Kat, unless I'm with four or more people.
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I got in an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That's a bad place for an argument, because I tried to walk out, and had to slam the flap.
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I went to a cigar store, the man behind the counter asked me, What kind of cigars do you like? I answered, It's a Boys.
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A burrito is a sleeping bag for ground beef.
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Last time I called shotgun we had rented a limo, so I messed up!
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I got some tartar control toothpaste. I still have tartar, but that stuff's under control. I got so much tartar, I don't have to dip my fish sticks in anything. That's actually kind of gross. After that joke, I have to clarify that I'm just joking.
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It's weird... people say they're not like apes. Now how do you explain football then?
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Because of acid, I now know that butter is way better than margarine.
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Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!
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I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.
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I have an underwater camera just in case I crash my car into a river, and at the last minute I see a photo opportunity of a fish that I have never seen.
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I'm a hard act to follow, because when I'm done, I take the microphone with me.
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Foosball screwed up my perception of soccer. I though you had to kick the ball and then spin around and around. I can't do a back flip, much less several simultaneously with two other guys.
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I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.
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I went to a heavy metal concert. The singer yelled out, How many of you people feel like human beings tonight? And then he said, How many of you feel like animals? The thing is, everyone cheered after the animals part, but I cheered after the human beings part because I did not know there was a second part to the question.
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They say the recipe for Sprite is lemon and lime. I tried to make it at home. There's more to it than that.
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I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all.
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If you're a fish and you want to be a fish-stick, you have to have very good posture.
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They could take sesame seeds off the market and I wouldn't even care. I can't imagine 5 years from now saying, Remember sesame seeds? What happened? All the buns are blank!
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I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too.
Mitch Hedberg
