Quote

I travel with a boom box. When I get on a plane, I stuff the power cord for the boom box into the battery compartment. From an outsider's point of view, it looks like I've got it all wrong.

Mitch Hedberg

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Mitch Hedberg
Age: 37 †
Born: 1968
Born: February 24
Died: 2005
Died: March 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
St Paul
Minnesota
Mitchell Lee Hedberg
Mitch Lee Hedberg
Mitchell Hedberg
Boxes
Cord
Stuff
Cords
Power
Travel
Batteries
Looks
View
Boom
Like
Humor
Outsider
Views
Outsiders
Wrong
Plane
Compartment
Point
Planes
Battery
Funny

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I got an ant farm them fellas didn't grow sh*t.
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I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.
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Look at the limes in this drink, how they float. That's good news. Next time I'm on a boat, and it capsizes, I will reach for a lime. I'm saved by the buoyancy of citrus.
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I had a job interview at an insurance company once, and the lady said 'Where do you see yourself in five years?' I said, 'Celebrating the fifth year anniversary of you asking me this question!'
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Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8?
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I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
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The only way I could get my old CD into stores is if I took one in and leave it. Sir, you forgot this. No, I did not. That is for sale. Please alphabetize it.
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I had to take a physical to do this show. They had a lot of weird questions like, Have you ever tried sugar or PCP?
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A friend gave me a drug for attention deficit disorder, because he's afflicted, but I'm not. So what happened to me is I suddenly had an extra-long attention span. People would tell me a story, and it would end, and I'd get all mad. Come on, man, there has to be more to that story.
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Foosball screwed up my perception of soccer. I though you had to kick the ball and then spin around and around. I can't do a back flip, much less several simultaneously with two other guys.
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Then let's print up some flyers!
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I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.
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I like cottage cheese. That's why I want to try other dwelling cheeses, too. How about studio apartment cheese? Tent cheese? Mobile home cheese? Do not eat mobile home cheese in a tornado.
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I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.
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I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry, and that's extra scary to me. There's a large, out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside. Run, he's fuzzy, get out of here.
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Xylophone is spelled with an X. That's wrong. It should be a Z up front. Next time you spell xylophone, use a Z. If someone says, That's wrong!, you say, No, it ain't. If you think that's wrong, then you need to have your head Z-rayed.
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Here's a thought for sweat shop owners: Air Conditioning. Problem solved.
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An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs.
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Onions make me sad. A lot of people don't realize that.
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When I get a cold sore, I put Carmex on it, because Carmex is supposed to alleviate cold sores. I don't know if it does help, but it will make them more shiny and noticeable. It's like cold-sore-highlighter. Maybe they could come up with an arrow that heals cold sores.
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