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I have a friend who is a juggler. If I'm at his house, I don't like to take food from him, if it's in threes. He has three apples left, I guess I can't have one. I wouldn't want to screw up his practice routine.

Mitch Hedberg

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Mitch Hedberg
Age: 37 †
Born: 1968
Born: February 24
Died: 2005
Died: March 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
St Paul
Minnesota
Mitchell Lee Hedberg
Mitch Lee Hedberg
Mitchell Hedberg
Practice
Screws
Funny
Apples
House
Routine
Left
Guess
Three
Wouldn
Threes
Take
Friend
Juggler
Like
Humor
Jugglers
Food
Screw

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Sometimes I get really lonely. Especially when I'm throwing a Frisbee.
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I like when they say a movie is inspired by a true story. That's kind of silly. Hey, Mitch, did you hear that story about that lady who drove her car into the lake with her kids and they all drowned? Yeah, I did, and you know what - that inspires me to write a movie about a gorilla!
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I tried to throw a yo-yo away. It was impossible.
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Kittens play with yarn, they bat it around. What they're really doing is saying, I can't knit, get this away from me!
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I've got a wallet, it's orange. In case I wanna buy a deer. That doesn't make any sense at all.
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I ate one anchovy, and that is why I did not eat two anchovies.
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I had a job interview at an insurance company once, and the lady said 'Where do you see yourself in five years?' I said, 'Celebrating the fifth year anniversary of you asking me this question!'
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