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I ate one anchovy, and that is why I did not eat two anchovies.
Mitch Hedberg
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Mitch Hedberg
Age: 37 †
Born: 1968
Born: February 24
Died: 2005
Died: March 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
St Paul
Minnesota
Mitchell Lee Hedberg
Mitch Lee Hedberg
Mitchell Hedberg
Two
Anchovies
Humor
Funny
More quotes by Mitch Hedberg
I like those blow-up beds. This becomes a full size bed in three minutes! Well, a mattress kicks your ass. Zero seconds. Yeah, but you can store this thing. You can store a bed, too - in the bedroom.
Mitch Hedberg
I travel with a boom box. When I get on a plane, I stuff the power cord for the boom box into the battery compartment. From an outsider's point of view, it looks like I've got it all wrong.
Mitch Hedberg
I tried to freshen up a room, so I held a Certs in front of a fan.
Mitch Hedberg
I met the girl who works at the Doubletree front desk, she gave me her number. It's ZERO. I tried to call from here, some other woman answered. You sound older!
Mitch Hedberg
I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.
Mitch Hedberg
My sister Wendy has a husband and two children, and they have a family photo on top of the VCR, where they're all looking slightly to the left. As though something is going on over there! I guess something happened over to the left that made everybody happy! Except my sister is cross-eyed, so she can't quite pull it off. One eye is right-on.
Mitch Hedberg
I went to a tent store. What kind of tent do you need? Circus.
Mitch Hedberg
When you put Listerine in your mouth, it hurts. Germs do not go quietly.
Mitch Hedberg
I don't want to have my face on the cover of a Wheaties box. I wanna have my face on the cover of a Rice Krispies box. Snap, Krackle, Mitch and Pop!
Mitch Hedberg
Because of acid, I now know that butter is way better than margarine.
Mitch Hedberg
I like Kit-Kat, unless I'm with four or more people.
Mitch Hedberg
I wrote a script, and I gave it to a guy who reads scripts, and he read it, and he liked it, but he said he thinks I ought to re-write it. I said, Fuck that - I'll just make a copy!
Mitch Hedberg
A fly was very close to being called a land, because that's what it does half the time.
Mitch Hedberg
I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.
Mitch Hedberg
Sometimes I fall asleep at night with my clothes on. I'm going to have all my clothes made out of blankets.
Mitch Hedberg
The commercial for Diet Dr. Pepper says it tastes just like regular Dr. Pepper. Well, then they screwed up!
Mitch Hedberg
I can't wait to get off the stage, because I've got some LifeSavers in my pocket and pineapple is next!
Mitch Hedberg
Sometimes I get really lonely. Especially when I'm throwing a Frisbee.
Mitch Hedberg
I got some tartar-control toothpaste a while back. I've still got tartar, but it's under control.
Mitch Hedberg
I got an ant farm them fellas didn't grow sh*t.
Mitch Hedberg