Quote

I like cottage cheese. That's why I want to try other dwelling cheeses, too. How about studio apartment cheese? Tent cheese? Mobile home cheese? Do not eat mobile home cheese in a tornado.

Mitch Hedberg

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Mitch Hedberg
Age: 37 †
Born: 1968
Born: February 24
Died: 2005
Died: March 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
St Paul
Minnesota
Mitchell Lee Hedberg
Mitch Lee Hedberg
Mitchell Hedberg
Studio
Cottage
Studios
Cottages
Humor
Tent
Funny
Tents
Home
Dwelling
Trying
Mobile
Cheeses
Like
Cheese
Tornado
Apartment
Tornadoes

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Here's a thought for sweat shop owners: Air Conditioning. Problem solved.
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They say the recipe for Sprite is lemon and lime. I tried to make it at home. There's more to it than that.
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I hate arrows. They try to tell me which direction to go. It's like I ain't going that way, line with two thirds of a triangle on the end!
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As a comedian, you have to start the show strong and you have to end the show strong. Those are the two key elements. You can't be like pancakes. You're all happy at first, but then by the end, you're sick of 'em.
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I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same.
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I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, Dude, you have to wait.
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My girlfriend is named Lynn. She spells her name Lynn. My old girlfriend's name is Lyn, too, but she spells it Lyn. Every now and then I screw up, I call my new girlfriend by my old girlfriend's name, and she can tell because I don't say n as long.
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I thought my teeth were white until I washed my face with Noxzema. My teeth are off-white. I'm not even white. I'm off-white. It's a new race we will prevail!
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I got an ant farm them fellas didn't grow sh*t.
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People ask me for my autograph after a show. I'm not famous, I think they're messing with me. I think they're trying to make me late for something.
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I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
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I have a Sharpie. I love Sharpies. You know what they say on them? Not for letter writing. That sucks. Now I have to communicate with my dad using numbers.
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