Quote

I like baked potatoes. I don't have a microwave oven, and it takes forever to bake a potato in a conventional oven. Sometimes I'll just throw one in there, even if I don't want one, because by the time it's done, who knows?

Mitch Hedberg

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Mitch Hedberg
Age: 37 †
Born: 1968
Born: February 24
Died: 2005
Died: March 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
St Paul
Minnesota
Mitchell Lee Hedberg
Mitch Lee Hedberg
Mitchell Hedberg
Done
Potato
Sometimes
Potatoes
Even
Conventional
Microwave
Time
Throw
Microwaves
Like
Humor
Bake
Takes
Baked
Forever
Oven
Funny
Ovens

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I went to a tent store. What kind of tent do you need? Circus.
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I tried to walk into Target, but I missed. I think the entrance to Target should have people splattered all around.
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I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
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I use the word totally too much. I need to change it up and use a word that is different but has the same meaning. Mitch do you like submarine sandwiches? All-encompassingly.
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I had a box of Ritz crackers, and on the back of the box, they had all these suggestions for what to put on top of the Ritz. Try it with cheese. Try it with peanut butter. Come on, man, they're crackers, that's why I got them. I like crackers! I didn't buy them because they're little edible plates!
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The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
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Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show.
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I had a bag of Fritos, they were Texas grilled Fritos. These Fritos had grill marks on them. They remind me of summer, when we used to fire up the barbeque and throw down some Fritos. I can still see my dad with the apron on. Better flip that Frito, dad, you know how I like it.
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I heard a guy tell me he liked cherries. I waited to hear if he was going to say tomatoes, then I realized he like cherries just. That joke is ridiculous.
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I want to be a rebellious McDonald's owner. Cheeseburgers... NOPE... we got spaghetti!
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You should never tell someone they have a nice dimple, because maybe they were shot in the face with a BB gun.
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On a traffic light green means 'go' and yellow means 'yield', but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means 'hold on,' yellow means 'go ahead,' and red means, 'where the hell did you get that banana at?'
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I got some tartar-control toothpaste a while back. I've still got tartar, but it's under control.
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I like those blow-up beds. This becomes a full size bed in three minutes! Well, a mattress kicks your ass. Zero seconds. Yeah, but you can store this thing. You can store a bed, too - in the bedroom.
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Mitch”, but then reattach it and call it “Mitch-all-together.
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