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Pepperidge Farm bread. That's fancy bread. You can tell it's fancy because it's wrapped twice. You open it, and it still isn't open. That's why I don't buy it. I don't need another step between me and toast.
Mitch Hedberg
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Mitch Hedberg
Age: 37 †
Born: 1968
Born: February 24
Died: 2005
Died: March 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
St Paul
Minnesota
Mitchell Lee Hedberg
Mitch Lee Hedberg
Mitchell Hedberg
Funny
Farms
Tell
Twice
Another
Fancy
Stills
Bread
Still
Step
Toast
Need
Humor
Toasts
Needs
Steps
Wrapped
Open
Farm
More quotes by Mitch Hedberg
I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.
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One time I was forced to go to the doctors because of a sports accident. Herpes.
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You should never tell someone they have a nice dimple, because maybe they were shot in the face with a BB gun.
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I was going to get my teeth whitened, but I said, I'll just get a tan instead.
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Imagine if the headless horseman had a headless horse. That would be chaos. I would think that if you were the headless horseman's horse, you would be very confused. I don't think this dude can see.
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I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all.
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Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.
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My lucky number is four billion. That doesn't come in real handy when you're gambling. Come on, four billion! Darn! Seven. Not even close. I need more dice.
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