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If you boat a lot, you're known as a boating enthusiast. I like to boat, but I just don't want to ever be referred to as a 'boating enthusiast'. I hope they call me 'a guy who likes to boat'.
Mitch Hedberg
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Mitch Hedberg
Age: 37 †
Born: 1968
Born: February 24
Died: 2005
Died: March 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
St Paul
Minnesota
Mitchell Lee Hedberg
Mitch Lee Hedberg
Mitchell Hedberg
Boat
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Guy
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Boating
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More quotes by Mitch Hedberg
I thought my teeth were white until I washed my face with Noxzema. My teeth are off-white. I'm not even white. I'm off-white. It's a new race we will prevail!
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I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.
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I got in an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That's a bad place for an argument, because I tried to walk out, and had to slam the flap.
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I think we should only get 3 honks a month on the car horn. Then, someone cuts you off, you press the horn, and nothing happens. You're like, Crap! I wish I hadn't seen Ricky on the sidewalk!
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I want to be a race car passenger: just a guy who bugs the driver. Say man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why do we gotta keep going in circles? Can I put my feet out the window? Man, you really like Tide.
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I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
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When you open the elevator on the top floor of a building and the other guy doesn't get out, something is seriously wrong.
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I'd hate to be a giraffe with a sore throat.
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I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.
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An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs.
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Dogs are forever in the push up postion.
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On a traffic light green means 'go' and yellow means 'yield', but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means 'hold on,' yellow means 'go ahead,' and red means, 'where the hell did you get that banana at?'
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I hate flossing, I wish I just had one long curvy tooth. They didn't have to make separations for me.
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If you drink O'Douls, you don't drink but if you drink 20 O'Douls in a half hour, then you're a non-alcoholic.
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I had a paper route when I was a kid. I was supposed to go to 2,000 houses. Or two dumpsters.
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If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work.
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I got an ant farm. Them fellas didn't grow anything. Hey, how about some celery? Plus, if I tore your legs off, you would look like snowmen.
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I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle.
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