Quote

I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry, and that's extra scary to me. There's a large, out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside. Run, he's fuzzy, get out of here.

Mitch Hedberg

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Mitch Hedberg
Age: 37 †
Born: 1968
Born: February 24
Died: 2005
Died: March 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
St Paul
Minnesota
Mitchell Lee Hedberg
Mitch Lee Hedberg
Mitchell Hedberg
Problem
Photographer
Roaming
Think
Scary
Fuzzy
Thinking
Faults
Countryside
Large
Monster
Humor
Extra
Focus
Extras
Funny
Fault
Bigfoot
Running
Monsters
Blurry

More quotes by Mitch Hedberg

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I was going to get my teeth whitened, but I said, I'll just get a tan instead.
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I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.
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I hate dreaming because when you want to sleep, you want to sleep. Dreaming is work. Next thing you know, I have to build a go-cart with my ex-landlord.
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I like baked potatoes. I don't have a microwave oven, and it takes forever to bake a potato in a conventional oven. Sometimes I'll just throw one in there, even if I don't want one, because by the time it's done, who knows?
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I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, Dude, you have to wait.
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Xylophone is spelled with an X. That's wrong. It should be a Z up front. Next time you spell xylophone, use a Z. If someone says, That's wrong!, you say, No, it ain't. If you think that's wrong, then you need to have your head Z-rayed.
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Magicians disappear all the time, but as soon as a regular person does it, everyone is all scared. Tom's gone! Is he a magician? No. Then let's print up some flyers!
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I tried to have a cookie, and this girl said, I'm mailing those cookies to my friend. So I couldn't have one. You shouldn't make cookies untouchable.
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Mr. Pibb is a poor imitation of Dr. Pepper. Dude didn't even get his degree.
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I think pickles are cucumbers that sold out.
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Mitch”, but then reattach it and call it “Mitch-all-together.
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I've got a wallet, it's orange. In case I wanna buy a deer. That doesn't make any sense at all.
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Have you ever tried sugar or PCP?
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I had to take a physical to do this show. They had a lot of weird questions like, Have you ever tried sugar or PCP?
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I have found when I look at an audience that the expressions on the peoples' faces aren't always up to par with the sounds that they're making. A crowd can sound like they're having a good time when your eyes are closed but if you open your eyes, the looks on some of those faces don't equal the sound.
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I went to a tent store. What kind of tent do you need? Circus.
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I had a chicken finger that was so big, it was a chicken hand.
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Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!
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I like to wear a Do Not Disturb sign around my neck so that little kids can't tell me knock-knock jokes. Hey, how ya doin'? Knock-knock. Read the sign, punk!
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I am wearing a vest. If I had no arms, it would be a jacket.
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