Quote

I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle.

Mitch Hedberg

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Mitch Hedberg
Age: 37 †
Born: 1968
Born: February 24
Died: 2005
Died: March 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
St Paul
Minnesota
Mitchell Lee Hedberg
Mitch Lee Hedberg
Mitchell Hedberg
Semi
Gamble
Addicted
Gambling
Circle
Circles
Sitting
Love

More quotes by Mitch Hedberg

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You know when you see an advertisement for a casino, and they have a picture of a guy winning money? That's false advertising, because that happens the least. That's like if you're advertising a hamburger, they could show a guy choking. This is what happened once.
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Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic. Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupus... one of those two doesn't sound right.
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I’d like to see a forklift lift a crate of forks. It’d be so damn literal! You are using that machine to it’s exact purpose!
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I was in a convenience store, reading a magazine. The clerk told me, this is not a library! OK! I will talk louder, then!
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I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.
Mitch Hedberg
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I'm a hard act to follow, because when I'm done, I take the microphone with me.
Mitch Hedberg
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I've never been to a hotel with a rotating restaurant on top, but one time I took my girlfriend to a merry-go-round, and I gave her a burrito.
Mitch Hedberg
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I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
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I think Pringles initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles is a laid back company. They said, Screw it. Cut 'em up!
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I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same.
Mitch Hedberg
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You know they call corn-on-the-cob, corn-on-the-cob, but that's how it comes out of the ground. They should just call it corn, and every other type of corn, corn-off-the-cob. It's not like if someone cut off my arm they would call it Mitch, but then re-attached it, and call it Mitch-all-together.
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I like baked potatoes. I don't have a microwave oven, and it takes forever to bake a potato in a conventional oven. Sometimes I'll just throw one in there, even if I don't want one, because by the time it's done, who knows?
Mitch Hedberg
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Have you ever tried sugar or PCP?
Mitch Hedberg
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You got to always take advantage of getting your room cleaned. You may think it's nice not to have anybody in your room, like your privacy's not being invaded. But there's nothing like walking back into a clean room. You've got to remember that.
Mitch Hedberg
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I've got a wallet, it's orange. In case I wanna buy a deer. That doesn't make any sense at all.
Mitch Hedberg
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Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!
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I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
Mitch Hedberg
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I can't eat spaghetti. There's too many of them.
Mitch Hedberg
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I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at the store, oftentimes I will drop it so that is achieves its maximum flavor potential.
Mitch Hedberg
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Dogs are forever in the push up postion.
Mitch Hedberg