Quote

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.

Mitch Hedberg

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Mitch Hedberg
Age: 37 †
Born: 1968
Born: February 24
Died: 2005
Died: March 29
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
St Paul
Minnesota
Mitchell Lee Hedberg
Mitch Lee Hedberg
Mitchell Hedberg
Witty
Humorous
Waffle
Laughter
Pancake
Comedy
Waffles
Funny
Syrup
Like
Pancakes
Trap
Traps

More quotes by Mitch Hedberg

Image
They could take sesame seeds off the market and I wouldn't even care. I can't imagine 5 years from now saying, Remember sesame seeds? What happened? All the buns are blank!
Mitch Hedberg
Image
If you are flammable and have legs, you are not blocking a fire exit.
Mitch Hedberg
Image
Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic. Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupus... one of those two doesn't sound right.
Mitch Hedberg
Image
The only way I could get my old CD into stores is if I took one in and leave it. Sir, you forgot this. No, I did not. That is for sale. Please alphabetize it.
Mitch Hedberg
Image
I like Kit-Kat, unless I'm with four or more people.
Mitch Hedberg
Image
When I get a cold sore, I put Carmex on it, because Carmex is supposed to alleviate cold sores. I don't know if it does help, but it will make them more shiny and noticeable. It's like cold-sore-highlighter. Maybe they could come up with an arrow that heals cold sores.
Mitch Hedberg
Image
I can't wait to get off the stage, because I've got some LifeSavers in my pocket and pineapple is next!
Mitch Hedberg
Image
I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.
Mitch Hedberg
Image
Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!
Mitch Hedberg
Image
I hate dreaming because when you want to sleep, you want to sleep. Dreaming is work. Next thing you know, I have to build a go-cart with my ex-landlord.
Mitch Hedberg
Image
When you put Listerine in your mouth, it hurts. Germs do not go quietly.
Mitch Hedberg
Image
You should never tell someone they have a nice dimple, because maybe they were shot in the face with a BB gun.
Mitch Hedberg
Image
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
Mitch Hedberg
Image
I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same.
Mitch Hedberg
Image
P.S. - This is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated.
Mitch Hedberg
Image
A lot of bands have intense names, like Rigor Mortis or Mortuary. We weren't that intense, we called ourselves Injured. Later on we changed it to Acapella when we were walking out of the pawn shop.
Mitch Hedberg
Image
My girlfriend works at Hooters. In the kitchen.
Mitch Hedberg
Image
I like those blow-up beds. This becomes a full size bed in three minutes! Well, a mattress kicks your ass. Zero seconds. Yeah, but you can store this thing. You can store a bed, too - in the bedroom.
Mitch Hedberg
Image
I like to wear a Do Not Disturb sign around my neck so that little kids can't tell me knock-knock jokes. Hey, how ya doin'? Knock-knock. Read the sign, punk!
Mitch Hedberg
Image
I saw a human pyramid once. It was very unnecessary. It did not need to exist.
Mitch Hedberg