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Most of my relatives are police marksmen, apart from my grandad who was a bank robber. He died recently, surrounded by his family.
Milton Jones
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Milton Jones
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 16
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Milton Hywel Jones
Bank
Apart
Grandad
Police
Marksman
Died
Robber
Humor
Robbers
Comedy
Relatives
Funny
Surrounded
Family
Recently
More quotes by Milton Jones
My parents said they had to make a lot of sacrifices to pay for my education... because they were both druids.
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I've got a bit of Scottish Blood... On my kitchen knife!!
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I lost my job as a cricket commentator for saying I don't want to bore you with the details.
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You know the animal that kills the most people in the world? The Hepatitis Bee.
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I don't know if you've ever fallen asleep whilst eating a plate of cauliflower, and then woken up, and thought you were in the clouds.
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I recently bought the box set of 'Doctor Who' and watched it back to back, Unfortunately I wasn't the one facing the TV!
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If they make it illegal to wear the veil at work, bee keepers are going to be furious.
Milton Jones
I have a nut allergy. When I was at school the other children used to make me play Russian roulette but force-feeding me a packet of Revels.
Milton Jones
My wife... its difficult to say what she does... she sells seashells on the seashore.
Milton Jones
A lot of people like cats. Take the Pope, for example: I read recently that he was a cat-oholic!
Milton Jones
My grandfather invented the cold air balloon... But it never really took off.
Milton Jones
The pollen count, now that's a difficult job. Especially if you've got hay fever.
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Here's a picture of me with REM. That's me in the corner.
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As a child I watched Mary Poppins so many times I suffered from a condition with my sight. Umdiddleiddleiddleumdiddle Eye.
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I hate sitting in traffic, because I always get run over.
Milton Jones
I got arrested for playing chess in the street. I said, it's because I'm black, isn't it.
Milton Jones
If you're depressed and called Morgan spend the first half of the day in Germany for some positive affirmation.
Milton Jones
About a month before he died, my grandfather, we covered his back full of lard - after that he went downhill very quickly.
Milton Jones
I'm very English really. I even ordered a book on the internet, 'how to have absolutely nothing to do with your neighbors'. Unfortunately I was out when it was delivered.
Milton Jones
I went out with this girl the other night, she wore this real slinky number...She looked great going down the stairs.
Milton Jones
