Quote

Most of my relatives are police marksmen, apart from my grandad who was a bank robber. He died recently, surrounded by his family.

Milton Jones

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Milton Jones
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 16
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Milton Hywel Jones
Family
Recently
Bank
Apart
Grandad
Police
Marksman
Died
Robber
Humor
Robbers
Comedy
Relatives
Funny
Surrounded

More quotes by Milton Jones

Image
The pollen count, now that's a difficult job. Especially if you've got hay fever.
Milton Jones
Image
To the man on crutches, dressed in camouflage, who stole my wallet ... you can hide but you can't run.
Milton Jones
Image
You know the animal that kills the most people in the world? The Hepatitis Bee.
Milton Jones
Image
About a month before he died, my grandfather, we covered his back full of lard - after that he went downhill very quickly.
Milton Jones
Image
The worst job I ever had was as a forensicologist for the United Nations. One time I thought I'd come across the mass grave of a thousand snowmen, but it turns out it was just a field of carrots.
Milton Jones
Image
I got arrested for playing chess in the street. I said, it's because I'm black, isn't it.
Milton Jones
Image
As a child I watched Mary Poppins so many times I suffered from a condition with my sight. Umdiddleiddleiddleumdiddle Eye.
Milton Jones
Image
I lost my job as a cricket commentator for saying I don't want to bore you with the details.
Milton Jones
Image
If they make it illegal to wear the veil at work, bee keepers are going to be furious.
Milton Jones
Image
I recently bought the box set of 'Doctor Who' and watched it back to back, Unfortunately I wasn't the one facing the TV!
Milton Jones
Image
A lot of people like cats. Take the Pope, for example: I read recently that he was a cat-oholic!
Milton Jones
Image
My parents said they had to make a lot of sacrifices to pay for my education... because they were both druids.
Milton Jones
Image
If you're depressed and called Morgan spend the first half of the day in Germany for some positive affirmation.
Milton Jones
Image
I hate sitting in traffic, because I always get run over.
Milton Jones
Image
I've got a bit of Scottish Blood... On my kitchen knife!!
Milton Jones
Image
My grandfather invented the cold air balloon... But it never really took off.
Milton Jones
Image
I'm very English really. I even ordered a book on the internet, 'how to have absolutely nothing to do with your neighbors'. Unfortunately I was out when it was delivered.
Milton Jones
Image
My wife... its difficult to say what she does... she sells seashells on the seashore.
Milton Jones
Image
I have a nut allergy. When I was at school the other children used to make me play Russian roulette but force-feeding me a packet of Revels.
Milton Jones
Image
Here's a picture of me with REM. That's me in the corner.
Milton Jones