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My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Calls
Sea
Dead
Wife

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My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.
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Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door, but only as long as it's not visible from the street.
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My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
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For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.
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For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
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I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
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In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
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My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
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Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
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I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.
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A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
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Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
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She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.
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My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
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I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.
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They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
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Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?
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Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.
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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
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