Quote

My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.

Milton Berle

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Wife
Calls
Sea
Dead

More quotes by Milton Berle

Image
Money can't buy you happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places.
Milton Berle
Image
At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.
Milton Berle
Image
I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how.
Milton Berle
Image
I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.
Milton Berle
Image
I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
Milton Berle
Image
For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
Milton Berle
Image
One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
Milton Berle
Image
I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
Milton Berle
Image
I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
Milton Berle
Image
I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
Milton Berle
Image
Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
Milton Berle
Image
For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.
Milton Berle
Image
You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.
Milton Berle
Image
I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.
Milton Berle
Image
I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.
Milton Berle
Image
War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.
Milton Berle
Image
If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door, but only as long as it's not visible from the street.
Milton Berle
Image
Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
Milton Berle
Image
Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?
Milton Berle
Image
All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
Milton Berle