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My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Calls
Sea
Dead
Wife

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Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.
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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
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Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
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I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
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I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
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It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.
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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
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Do you realise that Eve was the only woman who ever took a man's side?
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She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.
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It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
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Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs--is that a promise or a threat?
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I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.
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It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
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There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.
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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
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One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
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On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
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In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
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My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
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