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A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
Milton Berle
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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Nice
Hills
Woman
Street
Cradles
Living
Car
Beverly
Make
Asking
Rushes
Men
Streets
Crossing
Comfortable
Crossings
Answers
Lap
Head
Cradle
More quotes by Milton Berle
This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!
Milton Berle
If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
Milton Berle
I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
Milton Berle
Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together
Milton Berle
Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
Milton Berle
Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
Milton Berle
My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
Milton Berle
I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
Milton Berle
Do you realise that Eve was the only woman who ever took a man's side?
Milton Berle
One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
Milton Berle
A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
Milton Berle
I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.
Milton Berle
Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
Milton Berle
It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
Milton Berle
My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
Milton Berle
I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.
Milton Berle
Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
Milton Berle
I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift.
Milton Berle
Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?
Milton Berle
Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
Milton Berle
