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I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Insult
Trevor
Jokes
Molly
Personal
Insults
Hope
Fred
Tell
Allen
Mind
Insulting
Burns
Bob

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It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.
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Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
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She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.
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In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
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My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.
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In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
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Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.
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For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
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At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.
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Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list
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I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!
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I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.
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You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
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They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
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I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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Do you realise that Eve was the only woman who ever took a man's side?
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Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.
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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
Milton Berle