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I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Tell
Allen
Mind
Insulting
Burns
Bob
Insult
Trevor
Jokes
Molly
Personal
Insults
Hope
Fred

More quotes by Milton Berle

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It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.
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Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.
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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
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My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.
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I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door, but only as long as it's not visible from the street.
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My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
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Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.
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Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
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In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
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Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
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I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.
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I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how.
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In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
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War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.
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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
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Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
Milton Berle
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I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
Milton Berle
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I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
Milton Berle
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My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
Milton Berle