Quote

I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Tell
Allen
Mind
Insulting
Burns
Bob
Insult
Trevor
Jokes
Molly
Personal
Insults
Hope
Fred

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A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
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Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
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Do you realise that Eve was the only woman who ever took a man's side?
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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
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For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.
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I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
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Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
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I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.
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My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.
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I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
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Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.
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Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.
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Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
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Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together
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I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.
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