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I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Middlemen
Fred
Allen
Think
Thinking
Like
Middleman

More quotes by Milton Berle

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My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
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A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
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She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.
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Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
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They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
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On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
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I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.
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I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
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Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door, but only as long as it's not visible from the street.
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I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.
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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
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I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
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My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
Milton Berle
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My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
Milton Berle
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Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
Milton Berle
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Money can't buy you happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places.
Milton Berle