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I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Allen
Think
Thinking
Like
Middleman
Middlemen
Fred

More quotes by Milton Berle

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My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
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My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
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On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
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War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.
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A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
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You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
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I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.
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Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
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Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
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Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
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Money can't buy you happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places.
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I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
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In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
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I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
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It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.
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My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
Milton Berle