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I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Allen
Think
Thinking
Like
Middleman
Middlemen
Fred

More quotes by Milton Berle

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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
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The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
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I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.
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I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
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It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
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I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how.
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I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.
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One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
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You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
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Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together
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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
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Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
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I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
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Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
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Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.
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I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
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It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.
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On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
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Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
Milton Berle