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I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Aspirin
Grain
Salt
Three
Take
Years

More quotes by Milton Berle

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My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
Milton Berle
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I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
Milton Berle
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Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
Milton Berle
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They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
Milton Berle
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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
Milton Berle
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One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
Milton Berle
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
Milton Berle
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Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list
Milton Berle
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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
Milton Berle
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Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.
Milton Berle
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Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.
Milton Berle
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My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
Milton Berle
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I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift.
Milton Berle
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Do you realise that Eve was the only woman who ever took a man's side?
Milton Berle
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A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
Milton Berle
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I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
Milton Berle
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Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
Milton Berle
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I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how.
Milton Berle
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This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!
Milton Berle
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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
Milton Berle