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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
Milton Berle
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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Somebody
Stairs
Asks
Falls
Fall
Flight
Every
Miss
Men
Step
Missing
Steps
Answers
Rushes
More quotes by Milton Berle
Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
Milton Berle
If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
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I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.
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Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
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My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.
Milton Berle
I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
Milton Berle
You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.
Milton Berle
Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.
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My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.
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Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs--is that a promise or a threat?
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Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.
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Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list
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It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
Milton Berle
Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
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She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.
Milton Berle
I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.
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In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
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It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.
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Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
Milton Berle