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You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Normal
Wants
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More quotes by Milton Berle

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I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.
Milton Berle
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Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.
Milton Berle
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Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
Milton Berle
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I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift.
Milton Berle
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
Milton Berle
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At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.
Milton Berle
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I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.
Milton Berle
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I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.
Milton Berle
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I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!
Milton Berle
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Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?
Milton Berle
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In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
Milton Berle
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Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
Milton Berle
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My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
Milton Berle
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I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
Milton Berle
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Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together
Milton Berle
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There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.
Milton Berle
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Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.
Milton Berle
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I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
Milton Berle
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
Milton Berle
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Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs--is that a promise or a threat?
Milton Berle