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You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
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Normal
Wants
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More quotes by Milton Berle

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Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
Milton Berle
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Do you realise that Eve was the only woman who ever took a man's side?
Milton Berle
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I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.
Milton Berle
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My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
Milton Berle
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Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
Milton Berle
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
Milton Berle
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I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.
Milton Berle
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On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
Milton Berle
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I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!
Milton Berle
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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
Milton Berle
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
Milton Berle
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My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.
Milton Berle
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This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!
Milton Berle
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I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
Milton Berle
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Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?
Milton Berle
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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
Milton Berle
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For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.
Milton Berle
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Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
Milton Berle
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My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.
Milton Berle
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Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.
Milton Berle