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You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
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More quotes by Milton Berle

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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
Milton Berle
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I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.
Milton Berle
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There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.
Milton Berle
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Money can't buy you happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places.
Milton Berle
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I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.
Milton Berle
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On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
Milton Berle
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I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.
Milton Berle
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War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.
Milton Berle
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The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
Milton Berle
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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
Milton Berle
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
Milton Berle
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Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
Milton Berle
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For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
Milton Berle
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My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
Milton Berle
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
Milton Berle
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Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
Milton Berle
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I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
Milton Berle
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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
Milton Berle
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It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.
Milton Berle
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My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.
Milton Berle