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You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
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More quotes by Milton Berle

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This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!
Milton Berle
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I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.
Milton Berle
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She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.
Milton Berle
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I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift.
Milton Berle
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Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
Milton Berle
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In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
Milton Berle
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Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.
Milton Berle
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My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
Milton Berle
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
Milton Berle
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My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
Milton Berle
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I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.
Milton Berle
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A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
Milton Berle
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They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
Milton Berle
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I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how.
Milton Berle
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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
Milton Berle
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
Milton Berle
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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
Milton Berle
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Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
Milton Berle
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I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!
Milton Berle
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It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
Milton Berle