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You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Look
Looks
Like
Normal
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More quotes by Milton Berle

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I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
Milton Berle
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It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.
Milton Berle
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One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
Milton Berle
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War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.
Milton Berle
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Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.
Milton Berle
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They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
Milton Berle
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For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
Milton Berle
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There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.
Milton Berle
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My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
Milton Berle
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I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.
Milton Berle
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A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
Milton Berle
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I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
Milton Berle
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My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.
Milton Berle
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I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!
Milton Berle
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Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
Milton Berle
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Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
Milton Berle
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It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
Milton Berle
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Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
Milton Berle
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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
Milton Berle
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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
Milton Berle