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You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Looks
Like
Normal
Wants
Persons
Person
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More quotes by Milton Berle

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Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
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Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
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Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
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At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.
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My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
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For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.
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I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
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A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
Milton Berle
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It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.
Milton Berle
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The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
Milton Berle
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My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
Milton Berle
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You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
Milton Berle
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Money can't buy you happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places.
Milton Berle
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Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together
Milton Berle
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I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!
Milton Berle
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She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.
Milton Berle
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Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
Milton Berle
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It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
Milton Berle
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
Milton Berle
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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
Milton Berle