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I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Dreams
Afraid
Brother
Sleep
Working
Dream

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Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.
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Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs--is that a promise or a threat?
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A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
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One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
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I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.
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I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!
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Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
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You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.
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I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift.
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Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
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I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.
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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
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I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
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Money can't buy you happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places.
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I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
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They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
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In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
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