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I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
Milton Berle
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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Dreams
Afraid
Brother
Sleep
Working
Dream
More quotes by Milton Berle
I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
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Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.
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I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.
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It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
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My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
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Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
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For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
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Money can't buy you happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places.
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I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
Milton Berle
I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.
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You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
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I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.
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I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
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This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!
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Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
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In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
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They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
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Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.
Milton Berle
