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You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Louder
Aging
Actions
Words
Action
Creak

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My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.
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Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
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My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
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Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.
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It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.
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In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
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Money can't buy you happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places.
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You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.
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I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
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I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
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Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
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A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
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I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
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It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.
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I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.
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