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You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Louder
Aging
Actions
Words
Action
Creak

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Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
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I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.
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Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list
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I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!
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I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
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I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.
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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
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For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
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There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.
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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
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In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
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I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how.
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A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
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They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
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You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.
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For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.
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I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.
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I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
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I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
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