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My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Marriage
Wife
Understanding
Perfect
Running
Trying
Life
Mines
Mine

More quotes by Milton Berle

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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
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I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how.
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
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It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
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There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.
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I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift.
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Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?
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You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.
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My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.
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Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
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My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
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Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
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I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
Milton Berle
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It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.
Milton Berle
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I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
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The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
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They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
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I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.
Milton Berle
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
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My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
Milton Berle