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My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
Milton Berle
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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Wife
Understanding
Perfect
Running
Trying
Life
Mines
Mine
Marriage
More quotes by Milton Berle
For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
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I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
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It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
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I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
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I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
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Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
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I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
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This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!
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You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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Do you realise that Eve was the only woman who ever took a man's side?
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Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?
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Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door, but only as long as it's not visible from the street.
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Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
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A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
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My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
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