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My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Running
Trying
Life
Mines
Mine
Marriage
Wife
Understanding
Perfect

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Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
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I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!
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Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.
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You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
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I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
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It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
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They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
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The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
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My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
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In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
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I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.
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Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
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There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.
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She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.
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I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.
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