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Money can't buy you happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Helps
Prosperity
Places
Happiness
Helping
Money
Look
Looks

More quotes by Milton Berle

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I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!
Milton Berle
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
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I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.
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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
Milton Berle
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I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
Milton Berle
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I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
Milton Berle
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There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.
Milton Berle
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My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
Milton Berle
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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
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I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
Milton Berle
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
Milton Berle
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Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
Milton Berle
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Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.
Milton Berle
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In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
Milton Berle
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I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.
Milton Berle
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My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.
Milton Berle
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Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
Milton Berle
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Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs--is that a promise or a threat?
Milton Berle