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Money can't buy you happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Places
Happiness
Helping
Money
Look
Looks
Helps
Prosperity

More quotes by Milton Berle

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Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.
Milton Berle
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Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs--is that a promise or a threat?
Milton Berle
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It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
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A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
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On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
Milton Berle
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I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
Milton Berle
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I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
Milton Berle
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Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
Milton Berle
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My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.
Milton Berle
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Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
Milton Berle
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A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
Milton Berle
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One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
Milton Berle
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Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
Milton Berle
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I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.
Milton Berle
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I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
Milton Berle
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Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
Milton Berle
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Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
Milton Berle